Sunday, March 10, 2013

Late For The Last One, Early For The Next One

Why didn't I see The GQ Oscar Speech-O-Matic! before now? It sure is good for a laugh or two. I just supplied the words:
Adjective: insane
Type of Person: traveler
Living Actor/Actress: Jack Nicholson
Noun: funeral
Noun: book
Famous Person: Eddie Vedder
Adjective: loud
Adjective: lovely
Verb: shout
Noun: giraffe
Another Living Actor/Actress: Kat Dennings
Historic Figure: Marie Curie
Verb ending in -ing: screaming
Most Valuable Possession: name
Noun: cook
Verb: relax
Pet Name: Julie
Adjective: weird
Personal Hero: Kurt Cobain
and I ended up with:

Oh wow, oh my god. I didn't expect this. [Looking at award] It's so insane.

It was such an honor to be nominated in the company of these fellow travelers who I so admire. Jack Nicholson, your performance in
Funeral for a Book was revelatory.

Playing this role of Eddie Vedder was an arduous quest but the harrowing tale of loud love was so lovely. I shout Eddie Vedder with this award.

To my director, you're a giraffe among men and I applaud your leadership every day on set. To my co-star Kat Dennings, I would not be up here were it not for your stunning portrayal of my lover, Marie Curie.

Jeez, they're telling me to wrap it up. Okay…[talking faster]

Umm, to my agent Jeffrey Sternberg at CAA, your constant screaming throughout my career has been a gift. I owe you my name. Frank my lawyer, Ashleigh my publicist, and Trisha my cook, you're all responsible for me being up here today. Mom, Dad, thanks for always teaching me to relax. I love you. And Julie, you complete me. Whew! What a weird moment! God bless Kurt Cobain.
A surprisingly coherent speech. Better keep a copy in my wallet. Y'know, just in case.

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