Saturday, November 29, 2008

Colorum No More

Finally, after four weeks of attending classes as a colorum student, I’m now officially enrolled! This school is starting to grow one me—I mean, what other academic institution would still accept this late an enrollment?

Friday, November 28, 2008

Second Call

The Big G really wants to talk. I was supposed to have back-to-back quizzes yesterday and barely made it on time for the first. Sweaty from half-running, I took out my handkerchief. Something else fell out. It was a pamphlet some guy on the street handed to me around noon. I didn’t look at it—I just stuffed it in my back pocket. When I finally saw what it was, I thought, Is this a sign or what? After my first quiz I hurried to my next classroom. It was empty so I went to the College Secretary's office. They told me my classmates had choir practice. The class—and the quiz—was canceled!

Wednesday, November 26, 2008

Don't Beat Around The Burning Bush

Why is there a lot of "We need to talk—God" billboards along the NLEX? It's creative but it doesn't work with me. In my experience, see, nothing good has ever followed "We need to talk." That four-word series is the verbal equivalent of an executioner's wind-up. Then the ax falls: There is no Santa Claus. It's not you, it's me. We've run out of beers. So if God says He and I need to talk, I think I'll pass. I won't waste our times; I'll just book myself a one-way trip to wherever it is the must-do tourist activities are wailing and gnashing of teeth.

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Illustrating “Insult To Injury”

Someone had the bright idea of pruning the trees along the northbound lanes of the NLEX, just past the Sta. Rita exit. And wherever they cut, be it on a main branch or the trunk itself, they put what looked like fluorescent orange paint on the stump. Those who can’t pass there to see for themselves can just dab their fingertips in paint to get an idea how the trees now look like. Then again, if what they actually put wasn't fluorescent orange paint but some sort of medicine, we’ll have confirmation that I’m an ignorant ass with an overactive imagination.

Monday, November 24, 2008

C And C

How can one not be touched with a welcome note like this? Your new pad is beautiful; it's the farthest thing from a lungga or Bilibid. Apologies for feeling too at home, though.

I Missed You Not

Within minutes of my arrival in the Metro, I was reminded of some of the things I had to put up with when I lived there. For instance, Metro Manila drivers are too honk-happy. Hey, guy, if the car in front of you isn’t budging, look out first and keep your hands off the hair-trigger car horn. It’s traffic; there’s always a non-moving vehicle ahead of the non-moving vehicle ahead of your non-moving vehicle. Honking won’t make those ahead VTOL-capable, so quit it. Please. Also, anyone who doesn’t want to pass passengers’ fares to the jeepney driver ought not to sit near him in the first place. I’m sure you’re not so deaf you can’t hear me say, “Bayad po, pakiabot.” I’m even more sure you’re not lost in thought, nor engrossed with the road ahead or the wonderful sights out the window. Lastly, what’s with these guys who, as soon as they hit the men’s room door, immediately start unbuttoning, unzipping, and reaching into their pants? You’re nowhere near the urinal so spare me the sight of your bacon underpants. You’ve already made it to safety, what’s a few more seconds? Besides, real men hold it in!

Friday, November 21, 2008

Survey Says

If Pulse Asia's latest survey results are to be believed, three out of every five Filipinos consider themselves “losers.” I disagree; we Filipinos are glass half-full people. Maybe the majority of those surveyed were La Sallistas still in a blue mood over their team's loss to the Eagles in the UAAP basketball finals. Kidding! I'm practicing my alaska skills because tomorrow I'm going to see my La Sallian friend, Syd. It's been years since Ateneans had gloating rights over their side, so I have to make the most out of it.

She Shoots, She Scores!

What's up with kids nowadays? Last night, something I haven't encountered in my eighteen years inside classrooms happened: someone threw something at the professor! From where I sat it didn't look unintentional. JLC teased a female classmate while she recited; next thing I knew something was flying from her hand to the desk at which he was seated. Oh shit, I thought. My classmate was horrified when she realized what she'd just done. The rest of us were stunned, including JLC. There are things a student shouldn't do, and pelting a professor is one of them. I don't care if your hand is too fast for your brain. You. Just. Don't. Do. It. It was fortunate Lloydie was in a good mood and didn't fly off the handle. When he just laughed it off, I felt the class' collective sigh of relief. It reminded me of the time in high school Physics when I flew a paper airplane while the teacher was writing something on the board, but that's another story.

JLC Word/s Of The Night 2

Temerity. Propensity. Doldrums. And he used "deleterious" not once, not twice, but six times. My seatmate and I could only laugh when we discovered we were both making the same word lists.

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Slip And (Attempted) Slide

May I add a little prayer of my own: Lord, let this merely be a botched attempt at levity and not a Freudian slip.
AT 3:17 A.M.
Obama finally returns Arroyo call
By Christian V. Esguerra, TJ Burgonio
Philippine Daily Inquirer

MANILA, Philippines—A phone call at an unholy hour Tuesday may have made President Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo’s day, but a prayer at a Cabinet meeting later in the morning came close to ruining it.


A humor-laced prayer delivered by Dureza to start off the meeting apparently upset the otherwise cheerful Chief Executive.

Ms Arroyo appeared and sounded so exasperated that she requested the TV crews not to air their footage of the episode.

“Please keep this off the record,” she told TV cameramen and photographers who were allowed to cover the start of the meeting at MalacaƱang’s Aguinaldo State Dining Room.

Full story...
Methinks Ate Glo should work on her poker face. She has one, but perhaps she saves it for “I am sorry” addresses on national television. Her “Oh my God” exclamation and visible exasperation—while the prayer was ongoing, no less—made the whole thing grab more attention than it should have.

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Hello, It Is Me You're Looking

Huli man daw at magaling, huli pa rin.
Obama returns call of Arroyo; Also talks with leaders of Georgia, Turkey
Agence France-Presse

CHICAGO -- US president-elect Barack Obama Monday telephoned Philippine President Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo to follow up her call of congratulation, his office said.

Obama, who has been returning a flurry of calls following his election triumph of November 4, also spoke with Georgia President Mikheil Saakashvili and Turkey President Abdullah Gul.

The Democratic president-elect "expressed his appreciation for their congratulations on his election," according to a statement from Obama's transition office.

I just don't know if she should be flattered by the company.

Saturday, November 15, 2008

Mo-pho: Ugh

Why, LA, why?

Photo taken with my trusty Sony Ericsson K600i.

If I ever disavow my alma mater , I will point to this print advertisement as Exhibit "A." Colossal fail.

Friday, November 14, 2008

JLC Word/s Of The Night

Before the class was halfway through he'd already spouted "stymies" and "conflagration." So when I recited, I hit back with "deleterious." Score!

An Uphill Battle

JLC is going to be a challenge. First off, we aren’t allowed books and notebooks on our desks during recitation. And we each get only a question or two to acquit ourselves well. Second, his notoriety for stinginess is well-earned. Someone got a recitation grade as low as 65. I, who gave four correct answers, received only a hairline pass—I was docked for saying And the next one is... and thereafter drawing a blank (because I realized I'd already covered everything). That hairline pass was the only grade that broke 70!

Thursday, November 13, 2008

Dog, God, God, Dog

The search for America's First Dog is underway.

Ate Glo must like her chances now of wrangling a meet and greet with the US President-elect. After all, don't rallyists always chant that she's a tuta ng Kano?

Too bad there's a dealbreaker: based on her latest public approval ratings, she's not exactly hypoallergenic.


By the way, wouldn't it be a trip if it turns out Barack Obama is dyslexic and is actually looking for God after ditching that old preacher friend of his?

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

He Runs, I Run—For My Life!

Say it ain't so, Jojo.
Jojo Binay wants to do an Obama
By Allison Lopez, Thea Alberto, Maila Ager
Philippine Daily Inquirer,

MANILA, Philippines—Jejomar “Jojo” Binay is embarking on an audacious journey from the “Republic of Makati” to the Republic of the Philippines as the country’s very own “Jojo Bama”—much like US President-elect Barack Obama.

Vowing to turn the nation around as he did in Makati City as its longtime mayor, Binay Tuesday declared his intention to run for the presidency, calling for a “voter’s revolution” in 2010 through change in leadership.

More than 2,000 supporters, some trucked in from the provinces, carried streamers that read “Obama of the Philippines” and “Jojo Binay for President” as they gathered at the Makati City Hall for a 7 a.m. thanksgiving Mass on Binay’s 66th birthday.

I think anyone who reacts to this news story with anything but hysterical laughter needs reattachment to the planet, stat. I'm a bit surprised Nurse Ratched hasn't scheduled Binay yet for an emergency involuntary neurosurgical procedure.

And Jesus, Mary, and Joseph—or in Binay's case, Jesus, Joseph, and Mary—his sycophants really take the cake! Imagine comparing Binay to the US President-elect. Hindi ba sila kinikilabutan? Wake up and smell the coffee, people. About the only things he and Obama have in common are their complexions!

For once in my life, I'm with Sen. Miriam Defensor-Santiago. Excuse me, too, for finding it a source of humor.

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

The Boys Are Back In Town

Woohoo, Wolfgang is back like Johann Sebastian!
A ‘Black Christmas’ with Wolfgang
By Gerry Plaza

MANILA, Philippines—Rock band Wolfgang will reunite after six years of dormancy in the Philippine music scene since their 2001 album “Black Mantra” in a show where they would seem to pick up where they have left off—“The Black Christmas Project,” at the Eastwood City Central Plaza on Dec. 10.

The band’s formidable core, which consists of vocalist Basti Artadi, guitarist Manuel Legarda and bassist Mon Legaspi, will again stun audiences with precision riffs, emphatic beats, power-drenched vocals, colorful licks, driving ostinatos, occasionally jazz-styled basslines and imaginative breaks that merge with razor-sharp interplay in their unique style of American-influenced hard rock, heavy metal, grunge and blues-rock. Joining them on drums is Monkeyspank drummer Francis Aquino.

A reunion concert, a soon-to-be-released album... there's nothing more this fan could want—except for the participation of original drummer Wolf Gemora.

Sunday, November 9, 2008

Thoughts On The Funnies

All the talk about comics and crossword puzzles in the comments section of a previous post led me to take a closer look at the Philippine Daily Inquirer's Comic Relief section.

Because there's, I now buy the paper version only when I'm going to be stuck for hours at some bank or government office. As a result the issues sitting in my room are dated months apart.

On 27 May 2008 the Inquirer's Comic Relief section looked like this, from left-to-right, top-to-bottom:
Shirley's Pets by Robert Magnuson
A. Lipin by Jess Abrera
Tuldok by Papu and Tatum Milambiling
Pugad Baboy by P.M. Junior
Divine Comedy by Steven Pabalinas
Garfield by Jim Davis
Salamin by Darwin Perez
Baby Blues by Jerry Scott
Atomo and Weboy by Lyra Garcellano
Loveknots by Elizabeth Chionglo
Kiko Machine by Manix Abrera
Ben by Daniel Shelton
By 24 July 2008 Shirley's Pets was gone. In its place was Jomike Toledo's Mikrokosmos.

Come 19 September 2008, Salamin and Mikrokosmos were gone as well. They were replaced by Dick Locher's Dick Tracy and Yaroslav Horak's Ian Fleming's James Bond, respectively.

As of yesterday, there's been no change. They just jumbled the placements a bit. However, the only strips that are consistently funny are Pugad Baboy, Kiko Machine, Baby Blues, Ben, and Garfield, a measly 5 out 12. Maybe they ought to rename that section.

Friday, November 7, 2008

I Can't Look

Four minutes into our first meeting it occurred to me: They were right, this professor does look like John Lloyd Cruz—or a thinner Allan Peter Cayetano. That's why I stared holes in my desk chair and took notes like my life depended on it until the bell rang.

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

Render Unto Ceasar 2

I was picking second semester classes Monday afternoon when somebody tapped me from behind. It was the Dean. First he said I got the highest mark in his class. Then he asked what my other grades were. I was caught off-guard, but this was the Dean asking so I gave a rundown. He seemed satisfied(?) with half of my grades and unimpressed (or was it disappointed?) with the rest. He said to try and graduate cum laude, then left. And that wasn't even the hardest challenge posed to me that day: my sponsors said to top my year level. Talk about pressure.

Saturday, November 1, 2008

Mo-pho: Cloth Ghosts

I took this photo at a mall in Afghanistan a few years back. These mannequins are sporting the latest in burqa fashion.

Photo taken with my trusty Sony Ericsson K600i.

Just kidding. This is how the Lacoste(?) outlet in Gateway Mall looks like after closing time.